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Welcome to OneLife Ministries. This site is designed to lead you prayerfully into a heart experience of Divine Presence, Who is Love. While it focuses on Christian teaching, I hope persons of varied faiths will find inspiration here. Indeed, "God" can be whatever image helps us trust in the Sacred, by whatever means Grace touches us each. Please share this ministry with others, and please return soon. There is a new offering daily. And to be placed on the daily OneLife email list, to request notifications of new writings or submit prayer requests, write to briankwilcox@yahoo.com .
Blessings,
Brian Kenneth Wilcox MDiv, MFT, PhD
Interspiritual Pastor-Teacher, Author, Workshop Leader, Spiritual Counselor, and Chaplain.
You are invited to join Brian at his fellowship group on Facebook. The group is called OneLife Ministries – An Interspiritual Contemplative Fellowship. Hope to see you there. Blessings.
SCRIPTURE
He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth.
*Isaiah 53.7, ESV
Being firmly grounded in nonviolence [ahimsa] creates an atmosphere in which others can let go of their hostility.
*Patañjali. The Yoga-Sūtra of Pantañjali. Translation and Commentary by Chip Hartranft.
SPIRITUAL TEACHING
The Isaiah scripture tells of a peaceful response to violence. The passage has been used of Jesus, and certainly it fits his attitude and manner during his suffering and death – his Passion. In its ancient context, the passage is likely not a prophecy of Jesus; rather, it likely refers either to the redemptive suffering of Israel – or more likely a representative of the people (possibly, Isaiah himself), or a holy remnant of the over-all nation. Regardless, the passage is instructive of a nonviolent life in the midst of injustices.
Patañjali speaks of nonviolence, or ahimsa - often translated “nonharming.” For this ancient sage from India, from the 2nd to 3rd Century BCE, nonviolence is more than the right thing to do. His aphorism transcends morality, and he addresses the practical, beneficial result of ahimsa. Ahimsa does two things. First, peaceful response is creative of a particular tint of atmosphere. Second, this environment is conducive to and encouraging of other persons renouncing violence. Peacefulness births peacefulness; harmfulness births harmfulness.
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In a relationship in the past, I found myself relapsing into angry, hurtful debates with a woman I will call Marianne. Finally, we argued so loudly one day I knew the neighbors could hear. I was ashamed to participate in such disputing. The next occasion when it would begin, it did not. I looked at Marianne and said, “I used to live like this, with all this anger back and forth, but I'll not do this anymore.” From that moment I practiced ahimsa.
Marianne's frustration with my refusal to share the harmfulness was exemplified well one day. During such a time, I was sick with heart complications. I was prayerful, and peaceful. I went to my study to rest and pray. She knew of my heart symptoms; yet, she opened the door and began a tirade of accusatory and harmful verbiage. I just noted to her of her behavior, and her action knowing of my illness.
This imprinted on me deeply the lack of respect toward me, and that I was trying to have a relationship with a woman whose anger meant more to her than peace. Eventually, this led one day, during my trying to save the relationship, to loading up one early Saturday morning and leaving for good. I would no longer live in such toxicity. Though I left the woman I had most offered my love to in life, and the loss was great, leaving began a restoring of my health emotionally and physically.
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Anger, or wrath, is seen as a harmful passion – a “demon” - in the Christian mystical tradition. In Buddhism anger is called a “poison.” Indeed, anger can easily evolve into demonic violence, even of subtle forms, and poison a whole group, a person, an entire environment – indeed, a nation, a world.
There are two extremes in dealing with one's anger. First, a person can see all anger as bad. Therefore, he or she will quickly accuse another when seeing the least anger. The person, then, easily refutes the other person's genuine, sincere feelings. Second, a person can indulge in anger, not taking seriously enough its presence within himself or herself. This indulgence, also, pertains to a person who allows himself or herself to be abused in the angry words or other harmfulness enacted by another person.
Anger is not in itself bad. Yet, anger is an emotion that is very prone to evolving into harmfulness. The moment you are angry, become aware of it. Do not judge yourself harshly. Let it go. As you need, also, explore what evoked the anger. Also, remember one sure fact – behind anger is always hurt. So, you can ask yourself when angry, “What am I so hurt about that I feel this anger?” Simply running from your own anger can be a repression that keeps the “demon” knocking on your door again and again. Likewise, at times, expression of the energy of anger might be helpful in certain situations; yet, this is the exception, and must be done in a manner nonharming.
Therefore, a healthy person is not a person who represses anger, he or she processes it, taking full responsibility for the feelings. And one manner of working with this anger is to generate the opposite. Pantañjali advises the spiritual aspirate:
Unwholesme thoughts can be neutralized by cultivating wholesome ones. … We ourselves may act upon unwholesome thoughts, such as wanting to harm someone, or we may cause or condone them in others; unwholesome thoughts may arise from … anger …; they may be mild, moderate, or extreme; but they never cease to ripen into ignorance and suffering. This is why one must cultivate wholesome thoughts.
For any thought or feeling of harmfulness, there is an antidote. Apply the antidote. Think a thought, generate a feeling of kindness and nonagression, of gentleness.
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As a little boy living in the rural area, I would be fascinated with the whirlpools that would form in the big creek near my home. This beautiful black, cold water would begin spinning and create, by the centrifugal force, a center suction point. That point would easily become the destination of anything caught in the spinning of the water.
This is like the poison of anger. A little anger can easily develop momentum. Soon, that little anger becomes a whirlpool seeking to draw in and bring harm to one a person feels wronged by.
You may say, “But I am not violent.” Violence takes very subtle forms. We can be violent toward someone by a mere harmful thought, a malicious one, even though we would never act it out. We can be violent by writing hurtful accusations in an email, or by gossiping about someone to another person. We can be violent by raising our voice and hurting the heart of someone who cares for us. We can be violent by refusing to forgive another person. We can be violent by dishonoring a relationship through stopping communication. We can be violent by an obscene gesture, or by blowing our vehicle horn at someone for going too slow – or so we think they are going too slow. We can be violent by being judgmental of another person's faith or lack of religious faith. We can be violent by refusing another person's efforts at reconciliation.
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Meditation provides a laboratory to work with anger. In mediation, we release the ego repression on our inner thoughts and feelings. We likely find we are not as nonharming as others think we are. But we do not get discouraged. We gently are mindful and honest about that sneaky demon of harmfulness, and we work to transform that energy into the blessing of positive goodwill.
Likewise, verbal prayer can assist in this transformation. All you need do in this regard is pray positively for a person you have anger toward. Pray how you want to feel toward the person. Pray with blessings and well-wishing. By articulating the way you want to feel about the person, you are transforming how you feel into how you want to feel.
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I have learnt how powerful ahimsa can be when we are honest with someone. This honesty can take two shapes. First, you can gently, and without criticism, tell another person that you feel hurt by something done or said. In this, you are not saying, “You are responsible for my hurt, you were mean ...”. No, you are simply, kindly stating a fact about your feelings; such as, “I was hurt by ...”. The intent here is not to blame, but be kindly open so the other and you can seek understanding in compassion. Often, you will discover the other person had no intent to hurt you and, possibly, did not mean what you thought. This misunderstanding can easily happen in communication, and very easily in computer dialogue. Second, when needed, kindly tell the other you are sorry that what you said or did hurt him or her. I have never done this that the other did not appreciate it and without it not mending harm quickly.
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Also, we might find ourselves seeking to be kind to others, but being violent toward ourselves. Many persons have deep resentment toward themselves. This is a sign of needing to heal inwardly and learn to love oneself. Treat yourself as well as you need to treat others well. Be kind, gentle, and thoughtful toward yourself. Practice ahimsa toward your being.
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Marianne informed me in a phone conversation, after an initial breakup, that she had the right to say whatever she wanted to me, regardless of how it harmed me. For me, according to her, not to listen to it was disrespectful. Indeed, she had said things that had hurt deeply and, finally, I began walking away and not listening. I informed her that I disagreed, indeed, that no one had a right to say anything he or she wanted to say to another. What she was saying was, “My right to express what I want to you is more important to me than that I might deeply harm you by exercising that right. My self-right is more more important than our shared relationship and agreement to love each other always.” Obviously, there is no way to have a positive relationship with anyone with that mindset. If we want to have positive relationships, we act from an aim to be loving, not a priority on saying what we want or how we want, and when we want. We seek ahimsa.
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
*Ephesians 4.31-32, NLT
Are you struggling with unkind thoughts or actions in a relationship. Consider applying an antidote. You may choose to go into quiet meditation, and see yourself blessing the other person. Whatever, do not allow anger and its harmfulness to ruin a good relationship – such is too precious to be wasted on such aggressive passion.
© OneLife Ministries. Jan 7, 1010.
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*OneLife Ministries is a ministry of Brian Kenneth Wilcox, SW Florida. Brian lives a vowed life and with his two dogs, Bandit Ty and St. Francis. While within the Christian path, he is an ecumenical-interspiritual teacher, author, and chaplain. He is Senior Chaplain for the Charlotte County Jail, Punta Gorda, FL.
*Brian welcomes responses to his writings at briankwilcox@yahoo.com . Also, Brian is on Facebook: search Brian Kenneth Wilcox.
*You can order his book An Ache for Union from major booksellers.
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